I was
sitting at my Hollywood apartment the other day, staring out the window at the
sunshine, palm trees, and beautiful blue sky and it hit me…what the hell is
wrong with this place! Everyday it’s the same thing sunshine, sunshine,
sunshine! It’s kind of like being stuck in a really weird horror movie. I keep
expecting a sunshine fueled monster to attack the city and there would be no
way to stop him because God knows the world would end if LA got a cloudy day.
I’m not saying the sunshine isn’t nice, of course it is, I love the beach just
as much as the next girl; but every damn day of the week? Doesn’t the weather
know how to do anything else! If it weren’t for the crappy neighborhood and
constant mariachi music coming from the building next door, you would think I
lived in Stepford! All I am asking for is a little rain more than twice a year,
but no I look out the window and all I see is the lovely vitamin D! Not one
single cloud in the sky. Of course if it was raining that would be a whole
different disaster. Being that rain in LA is so rare, people tend to think the
sky is falling when we get the slightest sprinkle. I promise guys it’s just
rain not acid, it won’t burn you, or melt you, or coat you with some weird
chemical, it will just get you wet! Earthquakes they can handle, fires they can
cope with, but the minute that first drop hits the ground you would think you
were witnessing an apocalypse of some kind. I don’t know what they would do if
it ever rained here like it does in the south, but I imagine boats would be
involved; to be fair though I would probably act the same way if I had to
figure out how to drive in the snow. Maybe I am being a bit harsh on my West
Coast friends; I mean it’s not their fault that the place they live in is a
smog-lined bubble of sunshine.
On the
other hand seeing that most of the LA shopping is outside the nice weather
makes for some great retail therapy days; we Southern women do love to shop! LA
has some of the best shopping I have ever seen. There is a store for pretty
much anything. On Melrose there are stores with all white clothes, stores with
all black clothes, shoe stores, purse stores, Goth stores, costume stores,
vintage stores, S&M stores…I think you get where I’m going with this. You
can get pretty much anything out here if you know where to look. And don’t even
get me started on Rodeo Drive! Just walking down that street will make you feel
special. Going inside the stores is even better. I mean they really care about
customer service. Every time I step in one of those stores they pay extra
attention to me. Little ole me in plain blue jeans I get more attention than the
woman in the Chanel dress who came in behind me. And when I pick something up
they get real interested in me. There is something about a store that makes you
feel like a genuine white trash shoplifting threat that warms the heart!
I
would never be treated like that in Wal-Mart, I have serious trouble getting
anyone’s attention in Wal-Mart. That is one thing that LA runs low on… Wally
World, there are very few Wal-Marts in the land of dreams. I remember coming
home for Christmas after my first year out here and all my friends asking what
LA was like; well when I told them about the lack of Wally Worlds they looked
at me very seriously and asked, "Where do you buy all your groceries?” I
proceeded to tell them that here are these amazing newfangled things called
grocery stores and all they sell is food. I thought that their heads might
actually explode.
I do
miss Walmart though. There is just something so nice about a place where a loaf
of bread will cost you $100 or more because the minute you enter the store you
suddenly need a new lamp, four new shirts, a pair of shoes, a scrap book, and
tires. I call it the Wal-Mart effect: the second you enter those automatic
doors you are under the spell; for whatever reason you suddenly have to have
that bundle of pre-packaged firewood on sale in the back of the store near the
garden section…never mind the fact that it’s July and you don’t have a
fireplace. Yes I definitely miss Wal-Mart just as much as I miss the rain.
Nowhere out here could I get my car detailed, shop for dinner, and buy a new
dress all at the same time!
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